you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
