I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
