I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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