The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
