using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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