So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am spending my child support on dildos
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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