you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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