addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
