Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
