You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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