were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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