That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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