i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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