just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
