recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
