I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
