You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Can I color on your dick again?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
