i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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