your thong is hanging out like whoa
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
FUCK WHALES
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