She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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