Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
