You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
