i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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