He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so let's talk penis.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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