she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
