did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And my parents said I crawled through the house
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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