I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I want her autograph on my taint
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
