I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
