If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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