that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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