How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
