I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
And then he peed in my hair
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