I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
