Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The air was thick with penises
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
