He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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