i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
