I'm jealous of your bromance
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
