i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
