who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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