Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
