i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
