i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
