I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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