i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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