What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
