Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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