dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
