i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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