dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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