if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
