what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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