my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
