I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
