Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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