I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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