In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
