She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
