Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
