Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
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