I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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