If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
