I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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