if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
