Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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