90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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