I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
