I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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