I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
