I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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