My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
