In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
