I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
